In the memory of my youth, I was always very, uniquely set apart, and corky. It felt lonely, but as I reflect on my adult life it is pretty similar. Feeling as though I am in a place where I am mis-understood. I did feel lonely for a lot of the time throughout my life, but today in this time, it feels much different. I wouldn’t go as far to say that, I don’t feel sad at all, but lonely, no. Loneliness for most people, myself included, equals to being alone to one’s thoughts, insecurities, and pain. To keep from being alone, we tend to surround ourselves with people who make us feel good about ourselves. In theory, it would appear that it would work, but it doesn’t work if that is where your identity is born.
In my case, co-dependent identity. Throughout life, a lot of my pain was caused by seeking love in the wrong places, things, or people, or even mis-reading what I thought I needed to do for them to love me. When I found the love of Jesus, it was like nothing else. Crazy, since I can’t see Him, or even have the ease of a body to talk face to face, though in spirit and prayer. I can, however, feel Him. Always did. I just thought I was crazy. That is what the world says after all right?
If you can hear the voice of God, they may call you a schizophrenic. If you are super emotional, they may call you Borderline. If you can switch in a unique adaptable amount of energy, they may call you Bi-polar. Eventually, we all snap and ask the difficult questions leading to the meaning of our existence. Some people are pro-life, pro-religion, or pro-success, but are we pro-love? I have seen, experienced, and even been the product of what the world looks like without it. But that isn’t the only place. I found myself in a season of life where, the same love of Jesus I once felt is also leading to the question for the meaning of my own existence. The church has a bad rap, and with all good reason. The same pain the world experiences throughout their lives, and insecurities happens in the church as well.
Life is no respecter of persons.
At the crossroads where we find that life and people all have pain and we are all saying the same things, yet are so divided, isolated, and hateful towards one another. Creating awareness is the best thing we can do, but first acceptance. There is a reality we live no matter who we are. We all live, and all die. Sharing the commonality, we all get the opportunities in life to live it to the fullest. No matter what side we are on, life will happen regardless. Both the stresses of responsibility, and the blessings of life occur to us all. Nonetheless, life’s responsibility first, is to be the best version of self, according to a standard of moral code. The second, to want to understand how to compassionately do life alongside others. In the world of opinions we live today, there is no shortage of variations of how we should live life. Reality rears its head again to reveal that a growth in love, friends, and parties shows that we do, in fact, desire to do life alongside others instead of choosing isolation.
The disagreement happens rather, in the standard of morality that appears to be objective. Life has a unique sense of irony the deeper we go with our questions of life and morality. Either part will think reason is best, and no one listens. Though the same concerns are being expressed, the words are presented from different perspectives of experience. With all that we learn throughout life about pain, love, and morality there is still the question, can we actually start over and begin again a new course of life in spite of the experience and what we have learned? Leaving the past behind for healing comes in stages. New people, new challenges, and more memories. Starting with the choices we make to take risks, find love, walk morally,
be responsible, and have fun.
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We can start over when we choose to first, end the last.
Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.
— Oscar Wilde.
CONFESSIONS FROM THE OTHER SIDE 